Making Moms Feel Bad

My computer is on the fritz, being nursed back to health by dad, and since I don't have any photos I can post I am going to address a big old myth about me and my blog.

A friend posted on Facebook recently that I write my blog, "to make other moms feel bad". I know she was joking-- she likes reading my blog-- but somehow I thought there was a grain of truth there. Sometimes people read my blog and think, "look at everything she is doing with her kids, look at the homemade bread, and the crafts, and the trips to french bakeries..."

I get it. I can see how it looks. I try to add a heavy dose of reality to my blog, too, but I do like to document the fun things we do for posterity. Those are the things I would like to kids to remember... those are the things that I want to remember, too.

So, just to put the myth to rest-- I am nowhere NEAR a perfect mom. I am flawed in MANY ways, and I strive every day to do better. In about five minutes I put together this list.... this list that I could add to every day for the next year:

Why I am Not a Perfect Mother:

• I often skip brushing my kids' hair. In fact, I often have no idea where the brush is. I think ponytails were invented for moms without brushes. When my mother sees my children she often greets them then pulls the brush out of her purse. I have also yet to trim my kids bangs. My mother does that. She no longer asks if I would like them done.
• Last month, in an effort to reduce laundry, I went into my kids room while they were watching tv downstairs and removed 50% of their clothes from the armoire. They are in a bin on the top level. I left all the dresses hanging where they were.
• I have felt guilty about going back to work. I have also felt not remotely guilty about going back to work. It depends on the day.
• I unceremoniously dump 97% of the kids' drawings into the recycling bin. They churn out more artwork than Etsy. I just can't adore it all.
• I do not believe in messy crafts. They have played with finger paints twice, and the pastels sent by their aunt are brought down from the top shelf by appointment only. I am marginally more generous with the glitter paints, as long as we are outside and Lily refrains from putting the paintbrush in her mouth.
• I make Audrey write cards for any holiday or birthday so that I don't have to buy/make one. I'm not sure about the child labour laws, but I'm willing to risk it.
• I've made it known to the children that I do not read books before I have finished my first cup of coffee in the morning. I often make the last few sips last longer than need be.
• I have been known to "forget" teeth brushing when it is late and I want them in bed ASAP.
• Pancakes, scrambled eggs, and toast with peanut butter have become dinner options when necessary. I just make sure there is either a fruit or vegetable along side.
• I once mixed water into cream to put on their breakfast cereal when I was unknowingly out of milk. (Or was it knowingly? I can't remember...) Audrey thought it was brilliant that I can "make" milk.
• I hate finding matching socks for them as much as I do for myself. I let them pick and unless there is a glaring mismatch I don't step in. (This rule does not apply to shoes, though, much to the chagrin of Miss Lily.)
• I do not own one bottle of hand sanitizer, nor do I have a travel size for my key chain.
• I yell sometimes. I try not to. I hate it when I do.
• I have been known to deny drinks from the water bottle when we are far from a usable bathroom. I also forget to pack snacks if we're only going to be gone a few hours, leaving the children to beg at the knee of whichever mom did remember snacks.
• I lay guilt trips if they don't want to wear the clothes I made them. "Well, if you don't want to wear the dress Mommy made you, I guess that's fine... sniff."
• I have no idea where the ear thermometer is, but I do know where the rectal termometer is. For now, I kiss them on the forehead to determine "fever/no fever" with my "Mommy Lip" thermometer and let it be. If I need to find out exactly how hot they are? Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

So, there you go. Not so perfect, right? Not perfect at all. Just trying, and writing it down as I go. You should write it down, too. It doesn't have to be on a blog, just open an e-mail and write to your kids about your day. I think my kids will be happy to know the Mommy I was when they were little, flaws and all. I bet yours will, too.

Comments

[Cecile]

NOW we can feel bad ... your honesty is so disarming; other mothers aren't as NICE as you, LOL!
Re: writing it down, fellow moms might like Lisa Garrigues' "Writing Motherhood".

[AmySo]

Oh. my. gosh. I forgot to brush Kaleb's teeth tonight. First time ever!!! No, really! ;) Just wanted you to know I appreciated reading this tonight. Reality, even with its flaws, is awesome!

[Mikey]

I'm going to archive this post and email it to L and A when they reach the height of their rebellious teenaged years.

Don't be surprised if they get matching t-shirts (or tattoos) that say "My mom watered down my milk". :)

[Sarah Webb]

Holy cow, that was a funny post!

[Robyn Schaub]

OMG, I can so relate to your list. But I am even less perfect, I'm sure. :)

[LaurenW]

Haha, I love the hair comment... I'm pretty sure your mum has done my daughter's hair before when she was sent with my mum and I hadn't brushed her hair ;)